Heavy

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
-Oscar Wilde

I've been thinking a lot lately about independence, individuality and authenticity, so this quote resonates with me. This is still percolating in my head, but I wanted to capture the quote and a few initial thoughts so that I can revisit the subject. It isn't exactly related to what's been in my head; it's more a variation on a theme.

Part of this is about the need to be liked. I guess most everyone feels this need -- it's more a question of degree. I feel it more with some people than with others, but I think I'm towards the lower end of the spectrum. I don't worry too much about people who don't like me, or at least I don't anymore. I certainly used to. I find myself wondering now about those who have such a great need to be liked. (not that it's a bad thing, it's just a different mindset) How much of what they do and say is aimed (even subconsciously) at wanting to garner approval and interest from others? If that's the motivation, how real are they?  Right now the most glaring example of this behavior that comes to mind is the character of Andy from "The Office." Fiction aside, I want to ask people like this, "What do you really think? What is your stake in this? Why can't you put your stake in the ground so I know where you are on the matter rather than shifting behind vagueness?"

A long time ago, a friend said (on more than one occasion) something that was very hurtful to me and I carried it around with me for a long time before I was able to finally put the hurt aside. (And the 'friend', more or less, but that's a different story.) In fact, now I'm more bothered by the fact that I didn't say something at the time than by the incident itself. Go figure. But every once in a while, something will remind me of what happened, and I realize that, if I told Friend now about the impact of those words, it would cause a million tiny anguishes, not because they had hurt me, but because I was now carrying around a less positive view of them. I believe this person cared more about being thought of as nice rather than actually being nice at times. Anyhow, that is in the past, and like I said, I'm over it, so I'm not about to reinitiate contact with this person just to bring up something that I've moved beyond.

Whenever I use or think of the word "heavy," it always reminds me of "Back to the Future." There's that word again--'heavy.' Why are things so heavy in the future- is there a problem with the Earth's gravitational pull?" And on that note, work calls, so I better make like a tree and get out of here.