This Much I Know

Some truths (and free advice)...

1. Attach the file first.  You might think you'll remember to attach the file, but you'll get caught up in searching for Mr. So-and-so's email address or phrasing your message just so and you will forget. I guarantee it.
2. The most complicated and delicate machinery on earth doesn't belong to NASA. It can't be found in some European particle accelerator. It's the milkshake machine at your local McDonald's. Don't believe me? Go to McDonald's every day for a week and order a milkshake and see how many times they say, "We're out of shakes...the machine is broken."
3. If all you ever hear someone do is complain, do not under any circumstances offer any advice. DO NOT. You will not get a "thank you." You will not get a "Gosh, I never thought about it that way - it would be such a relief if that worked!" You will instead get 87 reasons why your advice will not work. (psst...wanna bet those reasons are made up?) These people are not interested in solving the problem. That's why they're complainers. If they wanted to solve the problem, they'd be called something different.
   
4. The food you packed for your child will be deemed inedible when lunch time rolls around, but will magically transform into the most appetizing meal on the planet at about 4:45. Or right after you've thrown it away.
5. Supreme Court justices have been selected and confirmed in less time than it is taking to find me an assistant. (Yes, that is a complaint. Yes, I am open to suggestions, because I don't want to complain. I want to get my expenses done and be able to focus on actually landing clients rather than trying to keep track of who I need to call when, etc., etc.)
6. This is a very complainy post. I don't usually write complainy posts. I suppose I was due.
7. If I never hear or see the words "baby bump" again, I will manage to survive. Somehow.
8. There are times when Lucky Charms really are magically delicious.
9. If you rarely call in sick, soldier through minor illnesses, head colds, headaches, etc, when you finally DO call in sick, everyone really believes you are sick. You never have to have that moment of "I hope they don't think I'm just skipping out of work." Call in sick two days in a row and they think you must be on death's door.
10. If you are me and you say to someone, "I don't have enough clothes," you will not be prepared for the laughter and mocking that ensues. (Really, I am missing some key things. I need more tops. Yesterday I needed a shirt in red with a particular type of neckline to look good with a new jacket. I don't have that shirt. I also need more pants. Really.)
11. Blogging is fun, but eventually you have to take a shower and go to work. Ask me how I know.

Comments

[JGnirrep]

5. Have you considered calling a temp agency? It's a good way to try someone out without making a permanent commitment, and a *good* temp agency should be able to do enough screening that there's at least a chance you might like the person.

6. Complainy posts are okay. If it weren't for complainy posts, my blog would be all but empty. :)

7. Hah! We were just talking last night about how no one dared say "baby bump" or try to touch me or anything like that, while I was pregnant. Apparently I have a "No Stupid Pregnancy Stuff" aura about me.

8. Orange stars! Yellow moons! And green clovers!

10. Hahahahahahaha. I'm laughing at you even after your explanation. Sorry.