Sacred Strength - Iyanla Vanzant
Began with bodies uncrossed and meditation. About 15 minutes of meditation. During the meditation she reminded us to smile to remind our bodies that we are happy.
What do people want to talk about?
Clarity, worthiness, finding purpose, discernment, connection, recognizing inner voice, faith, courage, confidence, readiness, strength, passion, compassion
Connection - we just did that -- reach out!
The divine -- her answer -- you!
Vision - that really is your strength. It gives you courage, discernment. Being able to see clearly that thing you desire in your heart -- it doesn't come TO you, it comes THROUGH you. It bubbles up inside you. When she was a young mother of 3 on welfare in the projects, her vision was to pay her rent. Everything outside of that -- survival -- didn't get engaged. She didn't get distracted. You have to be very clear about when you're being distracted from your vision. We think it's our duty to help other people with their problems. You have to know how to do YOU. You have to know how to take care of yourself so your vision can be clear and you can be focused.
When do you have a clear vision? You feel it -- it's exciting, it can even make you cry. But then deceptive intelligence will start telling you why it can't happen. It's like having a new puppy -- you are happy and pay it a lot of attention at first. But eventually it starts pissing on the carpet and chewing on your shoes. Your brain tells you aren't worthy, you can't do it. You have to TRAIN your mind. How are you training your dogs, because they're barking - some louder than others.
But we're each in our car, in our lane on our road. Stay focused on that; don't try to get in someone else's car and drive it. It's their car - you don't know how to drive it, even if you think you do.
Allow yourself to have a complete feeling. Courage is the ability and willingness to do what you know you have to do before you are forced to do it.
Courage and all those other things you all want to talk about -- they're already in you. But they're all in there with shame and doubt and guilt and fear. Those negative thoughts have trained us. The only way we're going to retrain ourselves is by doing -- it only comes from doing and practice. But the good news is that the positive thoughts are a wellspring -- they bring more. If you fail at something, don't forget to celebrate the trying. You need that positive reinforcement. Celebrating is what gives you strength to continue on. ("Do or do not, there is no try." I think about that quote all the time and for me it's an affirmation, not a negation. Because when you try, you are doing, no matter how brief that trying is. That is to be celebrated.)
Do what you can and celebrate that. Sometimes you have to trick yourself, though -- do what little you can over and over. So many of us set our expectations so high in some false sense of perfection that we never try or never celebrate. Do what you can do in your car and stop peeking in your rear-view mirror to see what other people are doing.
So many people live joyless lives -- we've made everything into work. Pleasure isn't joy -- it requires constant stimulation. Joy comes from within, not without. We have to be able to see beyond the moment to see something grander and greater than where we are now. Without that, we will never get to joy. That's what keeps you in your passion.
Passion is dissipated by unexpressed anger. Once you get into passion, that anger will rise to the surface anyway. We are taught not to deal with anger. We're told it isn't nice, we aren't taught the appropriate ways to express it. We try to do nice things with it, which doesn't work.
Everyone has a critic in their life. Begin to listen to them from another place. Here's the key - if it triggers a feeling, look at it. The ones that HIT you are what you need to examine. Most of the things that hit you are close to what you say about yourself, usually the things you barely listen to, the feelings you push down. You have to be vigilant about what you do and what it creates.
There is a distinction between willingness and readiness. You can be willing to do many things, but not ready. When you are ready, you have desire AND vision. Willingness fuels you but readiness moves you.
What keeps us from being ready? Many things, but the big one is the unwillingness to accept full responsibility for creating and sustaining the thing we say we want. If I really get this, I'm going to have to do this, go here, change things, people are going to think this. Get out of those people's cars. How can you tell you are stuck in the state of willingness? Anytime you have an excuse for anything happening -- you aren't ready. Giving and receiving excuses is most of the reason we don't achieve our dreams.
There is no excuse acceptable to the universe for you not SHOWING UP. There's nothing more delicious than the celebration of your own victory. Celebrate and encourage yourself. We're so afraid to celebrate ourselves -- people will talk about us. How do you know they're talking about you? Get OUT of their cars! Stay in your own car.
How do you move from anger to acceptance? It's about choice -- you can stay in anger, but the people who made you mad are in their cars already farther down the road while you're on the side of the road retching. They aren't waiting for you. You have to not just walk through the fire -- you have to sit in it. You have to let it all out, let the resentment burn off.
(Story about her divorce.) If you love someone, you can't push them out of your heart. You have to decide how you are going to connect with them, or how you are going to interact. You can't tell other people how to love you. They love you the way they know how to love. You CHOOSE how to participate.
(Story about how she came to love the woman her former partner was with - because that other woman made him happy in ways she couldn't, and she wanted him to be happy. It meant being able to get off your position -- she wanted him to suffer and hurt. But that wasn't helpful, it wasn't changing anything.)
It's a high calling, and you must have already answered it because you're here. Stop being a reluctant messiah -- stop holding yourself back. You are the bible that someone is waiting to read, step into your divinity and be ready to be who you are. Don't be afraid to step into that - don't worry that it will upset the people around you, because they're already upset.
Your ego can make very rational arguments to keep you in a place your being doesn't want or need to be; it blocks your vision. Ego isn't all bad. The goal of ego is to keep us separate and distinct. Your daily spiritual or reflective practice is how you keep connected to your strength that is separate or bigger than the ego.
How do you know if you are being divinely guided? When you get to the end, if it worked!
Here's a clue -- if you can't say it in front of your mother, don't say it. Don't do it.
What do you do about other people's anger being directed at you? How do you diffuse it.
Bless them. Don't try to diffuse it -- maybe they don't want it diffused. At some time you just have to say NO, NOT ME, NOT NOW. Don't engage, draw your boundaries. When you can say that from your being, they get it. When you are clear that it isn't about you, you can do it, you can draw the line.
Is it ever okay to accept fears or limitations?
Always accept fears and examine them. But don't accept limitations. You are not limited.
In the past it has been hard to decide what is my vision.
Pick one. If it isn't working, say "oh, this isn't working" and pick a new one. Give it enough time, but if it isn't working, pick another one.
How does one work through real limitations, like physical limitations like MS?
Accept the reality, but don't accept what other people say is possible - figure it out for yourself. You do not have to live the life others have lived with the same physical reality.
As we grow and change, other people are also growing and changing and we may continue to see them in the same way or not see them in their newness. How do you see them? How do you deal with their newness and experience them in a new way?
Ask them where they are and trust that what they say is true for them. Examine it and figure out how you will be with them. Don't assume - stay in your car.
How would you handle being at the brink of a very large success knowing about the possibility of losing someone because of it.
Go for it -- you don't lose people. People come in to your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. If they are supposed to be there, they'll still be there.
What is your sacred strength? Your courage, wisdom, faith, joy, compassion, vision, passion. But it's in there with the shame and guilt and fear. The only way to clean that out is to pour the clean water in with your daily spiritual or reflective practice. That's what makes the affirming voice inside sound familiar and right. You have to call up the negative, take it on. Escape artists walk through the fire; warriors sit in the fire. You are never on your own. You are always receiving guidance -- but are you taking it? Test for willingness AND readiness. Sacred strength is every feeling you have -- you are the bible that somebody is waiting to read. Show up in your life and being the best you can be. If you don't know how great you are, fake it until you can make it. Have a blessed and wonderful life of your making and choosing and accept full responsibility for your own life.
