In My Copious Free Time

A memory about my mother

In this case, this isnt' my memory, but memories shared by one of my mother's best friends. This is from an email sent a couple of weeks after Mother died. I've saved a printed version of this email but I want to make sure I document it in several places so that I never lose it.

Tara,
I wanted to send you and your family a note and tell you how sorry we are for your loss. As you know, your mom and dad have been our dear friends forever. Even though we haven't seen each other for a while, we still have that connection. I am so sorry and sad to lose such a good person.

Your mother was my mentor when it came to motherhood. She was there for me when I had my first son when we all lived in Homestead. She prepared me for everything. There was nothing during my pregnancy that came as a surprise because Jan left nothing unsaid. I knew what I did and didn't need, also when and where I should go to buy things. No question was too silly or ridiculous to ask her. And I even had Jillian to practice holding, feeding, etc.

Then we left for Japan where I had my second son. Although we she wasn't physically with me, she was with me in my heart. And all we had shared gave me the courage to try this motherhood thing again.

I have never met anybody who enjoyed being a mom so much and who was so willing to share her love with others. Jan taught me that laughter and tears were part of the pleasure that would come with this life-long job. Many years ago she gave me the confidence to be a good mother. But most of all she showed me to just plain be a "mom." For that I am forever grateful.

In recent years, we haven't been in touch as often. I suppose that is normal, too. But we were friends forever and when we did talk on the telephone it was like we have never been apart. I feel sad that I didn't call more often, especially these last few months. When I did speak to her she was always reassuring me that she felt well and not to worry about her.

(some other stuff about passing along her thoughts, how to keep in touch)

The music has magic

How many pre-teen early evenings did I spend wedged in a blue bean bag in front of the TV watching that spectacle of pop music and elaborately choreographed dance routines known as Solid Gold? At the time, it was...I'm trying to refrain from cursing these days...the shiznit. Dionne Warwick was the first host and always seemed like she actually enjoyed the music, and at the time I wasn't attuned to the fact that she was a fading star. Marilyn McCoo came later, joined by Andy Gibb and then a progression of smooth-talking guys. Nina Blackwood from MTV was even in there somewhere.

The show generally had some good live performances. And by "live" I mean live bodies lip syncing on stage. Rick Springfield, Madonna, Lionel Richie...I still have vivid memories of Prince being on the show.
But when it comes down to it, it was the dancers that set it apart. Most of them are just a blur of lycra and sequins, but one dancer stands out -- Darcel. She was the lead dancer, the head cheerleader of sorts. She seemed to get all the best dances and even got to talk every once in a while. She looked like she was 6 feet tall, all legs, and all that hair, which she often wore her hair in one ponytail. How many girls sat glued to their televisions on Saturday nights, dreaming about going to Hollywood and making it big as a Solid Gold Dancer?

Cheesy? Undeniably so. But if you are of a certain age and have a penchant for pop music, just thinking about Solid Gold gives you a warm, fuzzy feeling, like leg warmers on a cold morning...

 

A sweet find

With all this reorganization I've been doing lately, I've come across a lot of things I'd forgotten about -- little momentos, notes stuck inside books and forgotten. Yesterday I found a note from my sister. I think it was written when I was living outside of Nashville when David and I were married -- I'd come home to visit and I generally slept in my sister's room with her when I did since there was no guest room at the time. Since I was 23 or so, she was 15 or so. Anyhow, I recall that she left this note for me on the bed. It's written on a piece of typing paper, folded in half. On the outside, in large print it says:

Tara!
Read Now!

On the inside:

Hey Sis,
Thought I'd write and tell you that I'm glad you're home tonight. I've missed having a "bed buddy". Well, sorry I couldn't tell you this myself rather than write it but Sweet Dreams anyway. C-ya.

Love,
Jillian

PS - look at me sleeping - am I not cute? Ha Ha Ha