So...time for another one about the divorce. Maybe it's a Monday thing, maybe it's Mercury in retrograde (is it? I don't believe in that anyway), but today started off terribly. I felt physically ill (maybe too much of that bad for me but oh-so-good chili cheese dip last night?) and had bad dreams on top of that. It was as if I were being served a big helping of "you're supposed to be upset, you're getting a divorce." I did my best to muscle through it, had a sweet time with Alex before school, and put on a skirt and shoes I hadn't worn in ages and headed to the office.
I was feeling pretty low - probably a little sorry for myself, which is really never justified but always completely human. I felt like I'd made a big mess of my life, like I might have bitten off more than I could chew. Not a desire to go back or undo anything, just the sinking fear that maybe, just maybe, this was too big a mountain for even me to climb.
And then, just as quickly as I'd hung a negative sign around what was happening in my life, the positive signs started rolling in. First one dear friend asked how I was, because I seemed sad. He just smiled and reminded me that the journey isn't an easy one, but that I know I'm on the right path. Then another coworker sent me an instant message and asked if I was okay - we aren't even very close because she's fairly new and we don't work together much, but she noticed a difference in my usual demeanor and was there to offer her support.
Next I went into my office to make a phone call in peace (I came directly into the conference room and set up to work there, so I hadn't been in my office yet). There on my desk was a paper-wrapped bundle and inside it I found this:
My other boss/colleague/friend Corey had said she had a present for me, and this was it. I was moved more than I could possibly say - I've always appreciated her faith in and support of me, but in these last few weeks, it has been an source of exceptional strength and really lifted my spirits. This plate is just another reminder of that support and confidence.
I took a photo to post it on Facebook and as I was writing the comment to go with it, I realized I hadn't looked at the back so I didn't know if it was specifically from Corey or from her and any of her, um, exceptionally large family. ;) So I went back to my desk and turned it over and was blown away by the back:
This is a line from "Lullaby" by The Dixie Chicks. I had just posted it on Facebook recently (a repeat post, I'm sure since I love it so). This song always moves me and the line is "How long do you want to be loved? Is forever enough - is forever enough?" There's something deeply touching about not just having a friend, but having a friend who understands you - who SEES you. I am truly blessed beyond measure to have such a wellspring of love and support to draw from.
As if that weren't enough, after I finished sobbing uncontrollably, I went back to the conference room all teary-eyed (we don't do much hiding of tears around our office) and sat down at my laptop. There was a message on Facebook chat from an dear friend from high school that simply said, "Sweetie, why don't you come visit ? You need a fun weekend getaway! xo" Again, just the right thing at the right moment. And again, more tears of gratitude and joy.
To all the people out there who touch my life daily or not-so-often - please know you all have an impact, and your kindness, friendship, support, and love are precious to me. And for those who I don't know (there are mystery readers out there - I see you lurking!), never underestimate your ability to make someone else's day brighter. You never know when they might need a kind word or just a smile.Today was a revelation in ways I will find hard to articulate for some time, but for now I will just say that today made me believe that random acts of kindness aren't so random after all.
And to the always fabulous Carolyn Y, thanks for noticing the shoes. They cheered me up, too. :)